Although my “writer’s voice” (gag) tends toward self-deprecating, I often fight a subconscious impulse to make myself seem smarter, classier, and more of a Gwyneth than I actually am. In order to beat down this tendency, I hereby present a list of fourteen terrible things that I really, really like.
- Neil Diamond
- Flavored non-dairy coffee creamer
- Hugh Grant
- The Carpenters
- Unnatural-colored fake Christmas trees (pink and silver are the best)
- Gordon Ramsay
- Forensics/autopsy shows (the true-life ones, not CSI and it’s Duggar-like brood of offspring)
- TV shows about people with terrible medical problems
- Highly processed pork products (bologna, scrapple, Slim Jims, Spam)
- Elastic waist pants
- The Black Eyed Peas
So now you know what kind of sick monster you’re dealing with.